I thought that going on vacation for most of my two week wait would be a good thing, since I would focus on vacation things and not on how unbearably slow time is moving. It turns out that this vacation is so relaxing that my mind has way too much free time. Must pray for mental fortitude!
Other than that vacation has been lovely so far. On Tuesday N and I went for a run through the backwoods, and I got to point out all of the landmarks of my childhood. Running on rough terrain is so much different than running on a treadmill. It was quite a workout!
It's a good thing we did go running, because my poor pancreas is still struggling to metabolize all of the sugar my Grandma fed me! And we went to all-you-can-eat buffets TWICE!
Right now we are holed up in a bed and breakfast in central Michigan. It is absolutely GORGEOUS. I want one just like it when I grow up. We are in the smallest room which apparently used to be the maid's quarters, but it is so cozy and it has a wonderful view of the gardens. The B&B property backs up to the river, so we ordered takeout for dinner and took it down to the water and ate while we watched the sun set and talked about theology. It was a great evening!
Today is Novena Day. The cycle that I conceived for the second time I prayed a Novena for the last nine days of my cycle before taking a pregnancy test. I had never done it before, but I was willing to try anything. I thought of making it a tradition, to keep myself centered and focus on what was really important while I waited for God to bless me. When the test turned out positive, I was sure that I had finally found the answer.
Then I lost the baby, and I realized that I had been trying to make a deal with God.
I have decided to pray a Novena again this cycle, but this time I will do it the right way. I am petitioning St. Gianna, not for conception but for perfect acceptance of life or death.
So here it goes!
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