How We Think About Children

I adore my parents-in-law. They are the sweetest, loveliest people I know. They got married as teenagers and are currently off celebrating their fortieth anniversary with an Alaskan cruise. They are so cute to see together. I really admire their marriage, except for one thing. They aren't open to children.

They waited until their late twenties to have children, during what they considered to be the perfect time. They had one child, who turned out to have ADD, and because he was such a handful they decided not to have any more children. God stepped in, though. If he hadn't, I wouldn't have my N. But after N was born my MIL got her tubes tied, and that was the end of that.

I had a very different upbringing in a very child-centered home. I have four biological siblings, two sisters and a brother. When I was eleven we became a foster family, and eventually we adopted one of our first foster children (that's Baby Sister). I was taught that birth control was wrong (something I rejected in my late teens and early twenties and then re-accepted).

When N and I got married, N shared his parents' views regarding children. And why wouldn't he? It was the only perspective he had been exposed to. When we were going through Pre-Cana we talked about how N wanted to have children, but in an abstract, in-the-distant-future kind of way. So I knew all this going in, but I was willing to wait if I had to. It's not that I desperately wanted children right away after we got married, but as I always told N, I would have been happy with a baby whenever God gave us one. And, deep down, I always thought N would change his mind.

In the years after we were married, I could see God working to change N's mind. First with his conversion. Then with the blessings of our friend's children. We are close with five couples who go to our church. In 2009, they all either became pregnant or gave birth. Before last year, N had never held a baby or had a friend who was a parent. And suddenly he could see how natural, wonderful, and beautiful parenthood is.

Then one day last June he literally called me while he was on his way home from work and told me he wanted to have kids sooner rather than later.

One thing I really struggle to understand is why God would change N's mind if He meant for it to end like this. I think He is still working on us; making our hearts more open and loving for the children He will give us one day, one way or another.