It's been a while since I've posted. I wanted to post several times, but they all would have been a variation of, "I'm scared and I don't know how I'm going to get through this". I didn't want to sound like a broken record.
When we first found out about the baby, I half-jokingly said I was going to find a doctor who would put me in a medically-induced coma until the end of the first trimester so I wouldn't have to spend three months in constant worry. It turns out, God already has something like that built into the whole pregnancy thing. I get a good twelve hours of sleep most nights, and sometimes I nap during the day. So if I am feeling stressed out or anxious, I just go to bed and sleep it off. It makes the time pass quicker. It helps a lot, but there are times when I simply can't use this tactic, for example when I'm at work.
The news is that I'm 10 weeks, 3 days. The baby should be over an inch long and my uterus is the size of a grapefruit. I can really feel it in there, squashing everything else! I have an ultrasound scheduled for next Friday. Almost two weeks away. Sigh.
Nemo wants to start talking about finances, baby names, daycare plans, Godparent choices, and all of that. I love his eternal optimism but I just don't feel confident enough yet to talk about those things. There is still a long way to go.
I've recently realized that I am going to be worried about this child for it's entire life, no matter how long or short it may be. I've stumbled across a lot of heartbreaking stories on the internet about second-trimester losses, still births, losing a child soon after birth due to genetic abnormalities or SIDS, stuff like that. There is always a potential for something bad to happen. I don't want to let worry take over my life, but I am drawing a blank when it comes to doing something about it.
Wow, that was pretty disjointed. My apologies.
Everyone have a blessed Advent season!
3 comments:
I totally understand how you feel. I also wished that someone could put me in a coma through my first trimester:). Lucky for me, 2 weeks after I found out I was pregnant, I found out that we were chosen by Jackson's birthparents. Of course, that gave me one more thing to worry about:). But, it did take the pressure off.
As for us, we didn't talk about anything baby related (finances, nursery, names, etc) for this one until probably the last 2 months (I'm 29 weeks now). I think we are just now believing she will come. After so much loss, I think it's natural to feel that way.
And as for worrying, I am an expert worrier. Seriously, I worry about EVERYthing. What I have learned so far with Jackson is I will worry about every little thing, but it's so balanced with joy that it doesn't take over as much. The same with my pregnancy now that I'm this far along - I am way more relaxed. Of course I worry about what could happen, but that is not the main focus, like it was for the first trimester. I hope that you have the same experience once you get past the next couple of weeks:).
Congrats on making it to 10 weeks...almost 11 now, right?! This is SO great!!! Hang in there, girl. The time will fly by - in only 5 or 6 weeks or so, you may even begin to feel your little one move...now that is magical:). You have so much to look forward to and I can't wait to hear about it all!
Sehr gute Sachen.
Just thought I would comment and say great theme, did you code it for yourself? Really looks excellent!.
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