Spud

We've taken to calling the baby "Spud". This came about because during our second ultrasound at 6.5 weeks, he or she looked like a little bean, but at the next ultrasound at 12 weeks he or she had sprouted like a potato, arms and legs everywhere.

Everything still seems to be going well. No more spotting. I am really digging this "come in and listen to the heartbeat whenever you want" policy the midwives have. I've been in pretty much every week! I went in today to have a listen so I can relax on our New Orleans getaway (we leave tomorrow). Spud's heartbeat was nice and strong at 155, and a lot of interference coming over the speakers from his or her very developed swimming skills. So now Nemo has decided that the baby's full name is Spud "Micha.el Ph.elps" ____ (our last name). It's pretty cute.

The baby news is out to the world in general now. Nemo told his doctoral advisor, which I guess makes things pretty darn official. Being "openly pregnant" gives me mixed feelings. I have a hard time admitting Spud's existence to myself sometimes, let alone other people. Is this for real? Is this really happening?

I've been thinking a lot about the suffering we had to bear before getting this far. Suffering that most couples never have to taste. I think about how things would be different if this was my first pregnancy. Who would I be if I had never conceived Iris and Lily? I used to be mad--now I'm just confused and don't really know what to think. I'm sad about losing them, but I can't completely regret it either. It's a weird feeling.