My job

I'm a children's librarian at a public library. Its kind of weird how I got into this field.

I was a police cadet for five years in my late teens and early twenties. When I met N, I was a junior in college and still wasn't sure what I really wanted to do, but I was operating under the assumption that I would be a police officer because that's really all I knew. N didn't exactly relish the idea of me being in harm's way for a living, and so I sat down one day and thought and thought about it.

What I came up with was librarian. What bookworm doesn't secretly want to be a librarian? It required a master's degree, and it turned out there was a good program at the same school where N had just started his PhD.

So I got a master's degree. I kind of wanted to be an archivist, because I love books AND history, but the problem with that is that there aren't many archivist jobs about. So after I finished my degree I took the first job that came my way, in a public library. And I've been stuck in them ever since.

I love libraries. I love books. I love children. So what's the problem? I have consistently worked in libraries in "bad" neighborhoods. I've been called names and threatened with violence. I'm blatantly lied to every day. Drug addicts shoot up in the restrooms. Patrons destroy library materials and property for fun. Worst of all, I have witnessed everything from bad parenting to outright abuse and neglect.

Its a bad business to be in when you desperately want children. It is so hard to see parents who have no problem procreating but don't treat the resultant children as the gifts they are. It hurts to see the children grow hardened and mean right before my eyes. And sometimes I get very discouraged when all of my hard work doesn't seem to change their lives for the better. In fact, I feel that it is the exact opposite. I am letting my job make me a worse person.

As a Christian I should treat them with love and respect even when they treat me and each other badly. Lately I have been finding this extremely difficult, but I am determined to do better. I have a tendency to lose heart and give up; I've got to start focusing on the small successes! And love, always love.

Starting next week:)