Recent Mood Swings Explained

**Please don't feel obligated to continue reading if you find this painful in any way.

I might have had a meltdown on Sunday because I'm


The line is faint, but definitely there.

I've just left a message for the nurses at my Reproductive Endocrinologist's office to see what the next step is. I hope they get back to me soon.

The only reason I'm not scared out of my mind right now is because I am too stunned.

All day yesterday I was in a horrible mood because I was (I thought) PMSing like no one's business, and I was 100% sure that AF would be arriving right on time.

After monitoring every bodily sensation for the last two weeks, I had deduced that I had none of my usual symptoms of pregnancy. My bbs are a little tender, but nowhere near the excruciating pain I experienced during my last two pregnancies. I haven't been excessively hungry or thirsty or tired (although I did take two naps this week but I thought that was just because I was bored).

The only clue I had was that my temperatures were remaining fairly high, but I didn't think much of it because last cycle they decided they weren't going to go down right before AF arrived, but rather nine days after. I thought the same thing was just happening again.

So I saw absolutely no point in taking an HPT.

When I woke up this morning and took my temperature it was still high. I was frozen with indecision. To POAS or not to POAS? It would be a shame to waste it, but it would be so nice to just confirm it was negative so I could begin looking forward to the new cycle.

I eventually bit the bullet and just did it. I took the stick into my office to mess around on the computer while I waited the two minutes until I could go back to bed. I glanced at it before the allotted time, and saw just what you see in the picture above. But my brain was all like,

"?"

All of this early morning activity, rummaging in linen closet to find the last HPT and whatnot, had signaled to the sleeping Nemo (I've decided that is going to be N's blog nickname) that something was up. He stumbled in to the office looking very confused, and I confused him further by shoving the test at him and asking what he saw.

Once we had, with out collective early-morning brainpower, confirmed that there was indeed a cross and that a cross did indeed make the test positive, we tried to go back to sleep. Ha. As if.

I really don't know what to think. I don't quite believe it. I know what the test said, but I just don't feel pregnant. But since I only know what a doomed pregnancy feels like, maybe this isn't a bad thing. They say that every pregnancy is different.

All I can do is turn this over to God. His will be done, even if it means the child will go to His heavenly home instead of my earthly one. That is what my rational self is thinking.

But my heart is saying, Oh God, please don't take this one from me.

Ok, I am freaking out.